just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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