Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize