this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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