i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
