So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That accounts for only three of the penises
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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