can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
