i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
