I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize