I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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