oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
