did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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