They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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