he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do vagina's smell?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
