you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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