Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
