Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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