Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize