I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
