When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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