Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
