Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
