At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
