My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
