Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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