afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
