Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
