I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
