Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
