Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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