just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize