i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
nutella sex= disaster
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
