If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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