Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
