smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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