she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
