no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
