I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
