The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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