you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
