Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
