Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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