Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
