It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
