Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
