Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i've created a new STD.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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