I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
