I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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