listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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