Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
