There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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