the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
