get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
