YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
