Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
