anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
