just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
