Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
