no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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