it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Come on in and take your pants off
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