what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
