haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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