stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
