Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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