god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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