Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
