Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You've changed since you got that strap on
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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