DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
