Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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