My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
